In the paper: Dispatch Column #13 finale – Have the courage to speak up

please click here for my final Dispatch column

Recognize the preciousness, weep.

“In the entire history of the universe, let alone in your own history, there has never been another day just like today, and there will never be another just like it again. Today is the point to which all your yesterdays have been leading since the hour of your birth. It is the point from which all your tomorrows will proceed until the hour of your death. If you were aware of how precious today is, you could hardly live through it. Unless you are aware of how precious it is, you can hardly be said to be living at all.” ~Frederick Buechner

 I am so often aware of how precious our moments in life are. Buechner is right, I can hardly live through the awareness of the preciousness, it leaves me frequently in a  weeping state. I have referenced this statement of his before and probably will again because it so moves me. Today my weeping began when I was the recipient of extreme compassion by a woman who could have easily remained disconnected, aloof or unaffected by my story. She had nothing to gain by encouraging my discourse and it was not part of her job description to show me such kindness. It was part of her generous spirit to involve herself and share of herself. Because of her willingness to get involved my heart was touched. She asked probing questions and presented me with various options for dealing with the situation, all while completing the duties she needed to accomplish. Instead of sitting bare-assed on a doctor’s exam table I felt like I was sharing coffee with a friend at a painted kitchen table with zinnias and sunflowers outside of the window, this is how comforting she was. If I was capable of bestowing some sort of Nurse Extraordinaire award, she would be the recipient.

I had so many people showering me with kindnesses this day that my tears were more of a shower than the relenting summer rain.

~A kindred spirit with whom I share the bond of each of us having daughters who need a little extra from us as mothers, and the bond of loving life and choosing to extract every ounce of pleasure and happiness it offers.

 ~My beloved sister whose thoughtfulness and generosity escape from her with every breath she exhales.

a friend whom I have known since Kindergarten making a comment on Facebook that felt more like a hug than a social media entry.

~ An old friend whose emails bring me laughter and comfort always.

~A fellow swimmer inquiring after my daughter’s well being.

~A friend whose door is always open with love and peace waiting just inside the door.

~A non-person entry to this list, a fiery sunset sinking into the river after the rain subsided.

We all want to be complete, strong and courageous, so anytime I realize that I am actually broken, vulnerable and needy I am grateful to those who build me up, hold me up and shore me up with their extreme acts and words of kindness, thoughtfulness and compassion, whether they are a person who does that on a daily (some days hourly) basis or if they are a person who briefly touches my life once or twice a year.

All of you make my days so very precious that I can’t help but be aware. I am living.

I Saw Love Today

Being a nurse I have seen patients being dutifully cared for by their loved ones. Children and adults with varying degrees of mental and physical challenges who make it through each day due to the assistance of loving mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles and grandparents. I have watched grandchildren feed and bathe their infirm grandparents during their final earthly hours.

Today what I saw was different. I saw love today.

“Peter Pan” was playing at our local “Broadway in the Park” Music Guild Theater this afternoon, allowing Katie and I a chance to escape to Neverland. I only saw the production in the periphery of my consciousness and only through tears. I sat behind a woman in a wheelchair, not an elite motorized wheelchair which she might have looked at home in;  you know the type that you can tell is a permanent fixture for someone. She sat hunched in a chair that looked like a rental chair or perhaps it was a borrowed chair from a living facility. Whatever put her in that chair was most likely a recent event. Her husband sat in the theater seat at her side. I watched because I couldn’t not watch, I was drawn to the one-sided exchange being played out before me. He leaned into her and whispered in her ear that the show was starting. His hand hooked through her elbow, intermittently patted, stroked and squeezed her arm. She did not respond, she did not lift her head, she did not pat him back, she did not lean toward him, she did not cock her head to hear him better. She continued to sit hunched in her chair and he continued to try to get her involved in their “date”.

I had a clear view of his profile and I watched his features expose his emotions. He looked worried as he told her the show was starting. I wondered if they were regular theater-goers and this was an outing that he hoped she might enjoy as she had in the past. I saw hope as she lifted her head during a particularly rousing crowing number, the “er er er er” got her attention briefly.

He continued to stroke and pat her arm. He rarely watched the show but once a smile came to his face when something happened on stage that he must have anticipated her liking, when he turned to her he saw her face was down and his smile left quickly, he was crestfallen. I watched him inhale deeply as his shoulders shuddered and he wiped away tears with his hand that was not holding on to her. He frequently spoke to her about what was happening in the show, occasionally she would clap when the rest of the audience applauded. I saw sadness and anguish, but what was most apparent and what overshadowed everything else I saw, was love.

I don’t know their story at all, but my outrageously vivid, romantic imagination played out many scenarios. Perhaps they were one of the known “Music Guild romances”, having met and fallen in love during a production they were in. Or perhaps the first date they had as 17 year olds was at the old open barn Music Guild to see the 1950’s production of “Peter Pan”. Maybe they had thespian children who had performed in “Peter Pan” during their childhood. Due to their age I automatically assumed that the emotions I was watching were because of many years together and the sadness that those years are coming to a close. I could very easily be wrong about that. There is a chance that the love I witnessed had not been theirs for a lifetime as I first imagined. Maybe they found love together recently, maybe they were the 17 year olds on their first date at Music Guild to see “Peter Pan” but then their lives took different paths only to bring them together again just in time to share love before the tragedy of ill-health struck.

I have no idea what the story truly is. I only know that the lesson to me was, there is love – always, there is love.  While Peter Pan was busy onstage, crowing about never growing up and not wanting to be a man and stating “I am youth! I am joy!” I saw a man. I saw his wife. I saw love.

If Peter Pan could grow up to be a man with a courageous heart like the man I saw today, youth would not be so enticing.

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.

Lao Tzu

Be courageous, love deeply!

Be strong, allow yourself to be loved deeply!

 

For the parents…

 “For the parents who had to wait longer to hear a first word, who spent more time in doctor’s offices with their child than on play dates, who endure countless bad days and the stares from other people…For the parents whose child’s first friend was their therapist….”

 A friend posted this and each of these items fit so accurately, but it made me want to add things like…..

…For the parents who learned early to lean on others, to accept the generosity and kindness of others,

For the parents who found out that there is no reason to try to do it all alone,

For the parents who know that whatever one does as a parent it will never feel like it is enough or correct, but is the best one can do at any given moment,

For the parents who know the value of  an occupational therapist, a speech path, a physical therapist, an appointment scheduler,a  PH ITINERANT TEACHER : ), a “play lady”, a Lekotek leader, a thoughtful caring teacher,a good-natured camp counselor,  a kind peer, a pleasant stranger, a compassionate listener, a hand holder, a good hugger.

For the parents who are repeat offenders of  DWW (Driving While Weeping) because they have found that the car was a place where nobody else would be affected by their tears.

For the parents who have learned and are willing to share the fact that discouragement might put you face down on a closet floor wondering if you will ever be able to stand up again, but that before you are needed to resume your role, you are not only off the floor, out of the closet and standing, but wearing a smile for when that yellow bus pulls up in front of the house.  

For the parents who have experienced more love than they thought possible, more heartache than they ever hoped to know.

For the parents who have been witness to strength to surpass muscle men, perseverance beyond measure, gratitude that touches the heart, smiles that are brighter than sunshine and courage equal to any Purple Heart Hero.

For the parents who are my peers, my supporters, my encouragers, my mentors, my role models, my friends.  

Cheers to you!

Do something good for yourself, you deserve it!